A significant problem with most of these studies and theories is that affection itself is a tricky thing to define. It's a mystery to me why some women gravitate to these kinds of men. And not just sexually. Maybe you can shed some light on this for me. Avoid the lack of sex and affection trap. In the beginning, the love was obvious and things were amazing but he has been here for four months now and things have gone downhill rapidly. but i have a problem with showing affection. We plan to be married soon and I have a concern about her attitudes toward sex and affection. He has money troubles so is depressed. He is always asking me to initiate sexual relations but I never can seem to muster the courage to do so, and I know it makes him feel rejected. In fact, you shouldn't even try. My boyfriend is the most perfect partner in every way. Thanks for your comments. My options are : (1) stay and continue to wilt (2) tell him to leave (3) leave myself. While many relationship counselors may advise you to plainly tell your spouse, "You aren't being affectionate enough," it doesn’t matter whether you beg, demand, or joke, saying it pretty much never works in the long-term (and it doesn't feel good to hear, for that matter). A lack of affection in a relationship is a big issue. When your partner is speaking, listen for details and learn to validate … She wants it to start fast and end fast. i don't know if he does this because he is afraid to show his true feelings or if he is simply just not that into it. I am a woman and I have a very hard time with affection. I am finding it incredibly difficult to talk to him about it all as he becomes so low, and in the end I blurt a load of stuff out, during which I end up blaming him. Whether it’s scheduled intimate touch or scheduled affectionate touch, what matters is that your partner is willing to enthusiastically make the effort to meet your needs. Both are perfectly okay. I am not suggesting that you need to convince him to change. We kissed a lot and she would go on and on about what a wonderful kisser I was and talked about what great lips I had and so on. It feels forced. I don’t hold this against them as they are lovely girls and our puppy is so cute, but when there is no affection left for me, it leaves me very sad and wondering what I could have done that was so wrong. If you really need affection, then, that is a perfectly reasonable thing to leave your marriage for. I can’t really recall any time when she made any effort or initiated intimacy as it was always left to me. I don't have a problem with it, though. I have given up being with such a person who cannot reciprocate affection at such basic levels. On the other hand, children who do not have affectionate parents tend to have lower self esteem and to feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, and antisocial. It’s more of a brave face than a smile, I can assure you. I am having counseling myself, however it would make my husband angry to know that I am doing so as he doesn't want anyone to know, and again it comes back always to being my fault anyway. While I don't want to give up on him, I am anxious that he is not bothered by the situation, and is therefore unlikely to become able to show more emotion and affection towards me. Hundreds of couples have shared with me how the affection they used to lavish on each other transferred to their children over time. And I will note that I know that she is faithful and is not interested in other people. Higher self-esteem, improved academic performance, better parent-child communication, and fewer psychological and behavior problems have been linked to this type of affection. Unfortunately, we seldom cure the ones we love, unless they want to be changed or "cured." Big on their list of the day she treats me like a lay. 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