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My parents were not hugging-kissing types of people. Example; I asked my aunt for a favor, and she happily obliged. Kinda just sound like an asshole tbh. We get along great we are best friends. My parents are very cold and closed off. Thank you for being here. For me its the awkwardness that I have to overcome. I can't tell anyone how I feel about them. For me, it's because my family have displayed affection behavior within the home albeit my parents are good and responsible people and they love their children. #BlackLivesMatter, Press J to jump to the feed. I recall leaving family gatherings where several of my aunts and uncles would wave good bye instead of bending down to hug or kiss me. Over the last 11 months, I have talked with him several times to express my need for affection and that I cannot continue to live without it. A reminder: if you are seeking resources in your local area, please provide that in the post so that users can share appropriate links and phone numbers. As a child I used to love giving and receiving hugs. Literally same, I can easily tell my friends I love them and hug them, but I can't remember a time when I've said "I love you" to anybody in my family. Apathy can be caused by numerous conditions, ranging from depression to narcissistic personality disorder. But I cant say "I love you". According to Mayra Mendez, Ph.D., LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist and program coordinator for intellectual and developmental disabilities and mental health services at Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, California, showing affection in front of your little ones is perfectly healthy. Some men just cannot show affection, either because of their childhood or because of past issues, and many of them have just not felt the need to be affectionate. Dear Prudence Can’t Take a Joke My family mercilessly teases to show affection, but my boyfriend doesn’t get it. In our family there is : me ,mum, dad, younger brother 15 and little sister 5. We can't really show affection. I feel like I can’t call it “trauma” and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Yeah, that’s mainly what I hear. I can't figure out why she doesn't want sex and affection, it's eating away at me. I don't have a horrible life - i have a nice house , in a nice place and there is always food. Too much would be a long kiss, intimate touches or certain spoken words such as ‘I can’t wait until later tonight’. I highly recommend you seek professional help. It's weird because every time they tell me they are emotionally "hurting" my first response is to always think they are being "too soft." Force yourself to do it! Filter by new to find posts with zero comments. On Facebook, my page also goes by DisMuide after many failed attempts to change it. After typing this, it seems obvious, but I really don’t want to give up on the marriage if there is any chance he is coming around. Italians are famous for pinching little girls and boys cheeks. Friendships also have a wide range of expression, but no matter what the gesture, it will show a family member or friend that you are there for them. Theories suggest childhood nurturing impacts an individual's show of affection. I have three older brothers and the oldest shows affection quite easily the second is kinda like me. Even the happiest of families don't show constant affection, and there is always a certain amount of friction. Here are a few small ways you can express your admiration and affection to your partner, which in turn will strengthen your relationship and show that you care. I don't think it is. If you are in distress, please call 9-1-1 or your local emergency number. My parents have always been loving with me. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. In these cases, your partner may just require and prefer to give different levels of affection than you. I grew up happy and loved and even now I struggle showing my love or affection, it's not that I don't love my family it's just I find it uncomfortable. Lol. If you’re in the same boat, you might also have a mental list of things people who can’t express their feelings want their friends, family, and loved ones to know. My first reaction to this was "what the heck is everyone's problem--why are they getting all upset and shit" and it kind of annoyed me. Meet my family; A guy who doesn’t want to meet your family or friends is a guy who isn’t sticking around long. But to answer your question, I would say gradually get closer to them and introduce small and little gestures of touch. I hate being touched by other people. click here for a list of counselling services. I have three older brothers and the oldest shows affection quite easily the second is kinda like me. Growing up, my parents always called my be pet name or versions of it like Kaide, Mûindis or Mûide. I know, it sounds shitty, but heck, it was an initial response. Never miss a thing with GirlsAskGuys notifications on your browser. In families or cultures where affection is common, people will more commonly show affection. Growing up, my parents always called my be pet name or versions of it like Kaide, Mûindis or Mûide. I wish I could be that wife that gives him all the affection he needs but I don’t know how to do it without it feeling forced. When I try I get this feeling like I'm extremely embarrassed and I end up stuttering or it just sounds forced. On Facebook, my page also goes by DisMuide after many failed attempts to change it. My mum says it nearly every morning before she goes and I'll just say bye or not reply at all. I am also trying to. It's almost like a literal force stopping me from showing affection. this is so accurate to my situation, my parents always tell me they love me and I can't find it in me to say it back.. as well as, if I start saying it now they'll be like OMG DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT.. it's hard to break it in :P. The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion! How We Share Affection When In My Family. notably, it's mainly her that I struggle with. It's almost like a literal force stopping me from showing affection. Do the rest of your family act the same way? It’s just frustrating that I can’t feel the trouble in it unless I am directly affected by it. After typing this, it seems obvious, but I really don’t want to give up on the marriage if there is any chance he is coming around. Also, my friend says I love you to her mum before she hangs up the phone every time and I just feel like it's not very sincere, like she's not even thinking about it, she just says it. when I was younger, my mum was very depressed but undiagnosed and on no medication so she used to be quite mean to me and my brother. How We Share Affection When In My Family. How can I address this and what are your thoughts? I don't know why, but maybe because I truly believe his problem (currently) is nothing to be upset about. I'm glad I'm not the only one! My suggestion is to look at the family from where they came from because that will give you the answer to problems in your relationship. The family is looking at me for a resolution or an explanation, and I can't give them one. When I try I get this feeling like I'm extremely embarrassed and I end up stuttering or it just sounds forced. 2knowmyself is moving to Youtube 2knowmyself will no longer exist in article form as we are moving to youtube.After massive traffic loss as a result of Google's illogical and unpredictable SEO updates i decided to continue my works on youtube instead of a website. It depends on the type and level of affection you're talking about. click here for a list of crisis support services. My life growning up with a family that showed affection and love. This sub is moderated by the South Asian Mental Health Alliance (SAMHAA), a non-profit society dedicated to mental health stigma reduction through skill development and community building. Boyfriend says I'm being distant, cold, but I can not see his point/ problem? Over the last 11 months, I have talked with him several times to express my need for affection and that I cannot continue to live without it. but for some reason, I really struggle to tell my family I love them or make physical contact with them, especially my mum. Opening Up the Flow of Love and Affection Again. We can't really show affection. *have not displayed affectionate behavior, it's similar, I think. For me, it's like if I say it now it will probably mean a big deal and I don't really want it to. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please click here for a list of crisis support services., If you are seeking therapy online, please click here for a list of counselling services. That's a necessary part of growing up. What do you think of people who say things like this? Anything which brings a child into the intimate world of the parents’ love is not good.” Affection is a signal to all children that there is something going on behind closed doors. You are not alone. My parents have always been loving with me. Affection Can Be Learned Anyone can learn to be affectionate, even those who have grown up in a culturally unaffectionate environment. You don't want em to start thinkin' you like em, or they'll start expectin' ya to hang around the house and do stuff! In some cases, your partner could be trying to deal with effects that come with anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. I thought this was normal for everyone. Affection can be one of the first things to fade in a relationship after you get married and have children. I care for them very much, and don't want them to be genuinely upset, but why the hell do I feel anxious and/or annoyed when I am faced with emotional people? What Religion is and what Religion is not, Why I feel like my age is holding me back from wishing I can have kid like memories again. Thank you for for sharing. She can't switch off from paying bills to enjoying sex, I can but without sex I am starting to resent her everyday. I had that done to me too. Always thought I was okay with empathy. I do it all the time and show my appreciation for them and hug them etc etc. Here’s the cure for a non-affectionate man: Click To Tweet. what do I do? And how can I get around his moods? But as for me it's like I do love my parents. It's not like I don't feel anything though. i can tell my family i love them and hug them but any time i get a boyfriend i cant show affection in front of people.. i have a really sarcastic personality and im kind of just like hateful to my boyfriend or whoever im with in front of ANYONE unless its just me and him..i feel bad idk why i do this or how to change? Affection can be one of the first things to fade in a relationship after you get married and have children. I ask myself why that is and I mostly blame my upbringing. My oh my, I can relate to you perfectly! That’s because the smooching, the pats on the butt, and the fireworks in the bedroom came back. It wasn’t until I learned the 4 simple concepts below that I stopped feeling the urge to ask why my husband wouldn’t show affection. It sounds like apathy, which is a lack of care or empathy. And when I show normal affection, I get very weirded out cause I'm not used to/comfortable with it, but I notice people are more receptive to that softer affection. My parents would spend time with us and buy stuff for us depending on our personalities. Perhaps you found that your affectionate hugs to a parent or caregiver were rebuffed or you did not receive affectionate hugs from others, particularly a … Some parents expect a hug from their children, while others are more comfortable with a handshake. There's a joke in my family that me showing affection is ooc (out of character). I don't think there's a issue because you obviously care to worry about it, I just think everyone is different! Could you date someone who loved you but was too afraid to show affection/love for you in public? How can a man be more assertive with an older woman? I am a very affectionate person and feel that is very important in a relationship. ... Longing: Am in relationship with man who can’t or won’t show affection. it makes no sense to me; I love them more than anything and I want to show them but I find it extremely difficult to do so. But I rarely connect to that because I am what you call a “cactus.” You get my analogy? Knowing you should feel bad, or knowing your actions are hurtful is not the same as empathy. Hell, I probably even ruined their day, but I’m in a constant state of disinterest. Genuine affection means meeting the people you love. He was in an accident had a near drowning so he can't show affection. Help is available. I don't even like him touching me. … He may receive your affection, but that is … I (25F) am genuinely curious and kind of confused. I find it hard to show affection towards him. 1. My mother was present but absent… And my father was often absent (truck driver). One reason you might lack the ability is that you were “trained” NOT to show your emotions. But the lack of being affectionate to us made me and my sister grow apart from them in emotional behavior, thus we never hug each other ever. The only issue I have is he doesn't show me the affection I need. Sometimes your partner may be giving you less affection than you'd like. I disagree with the statement and I think it's gross to say, Technically I agree but it's still insensitive. And just today my grandmother was crying because she was upset about a few things--I think one being the lockdown and my uncle being unable to join us for Christmas for the first time. A lot. Then I meet and marry into my husband’s family. A lot. Dear Prudence Can’t Take a Joke My family mercilessly teases to show affection, but my boyfriend doesn’t get it. I feel exactly the same way! My mother doesn’t show affection physically or ever say “I love you.” She didn’t want to attend events (band concerts) or really care about my life (never knowing who my friends were). that makes me feel better :) thanks for sharing x. Marriage Without Affection Or Intimacy: Lack Of Affection From Husband If you live in a sexless marriage, where your husband seems to have lost all interest in you, it can be very frustrating. My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months. I just struggle. No one you’ve dated understands why … He’s still falling in love with you, and he shows it with small affection gifts. Intimacy plays a very important role in strengthening the bond between a husband and wife. Some individuals may only like showing affection in private settings. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. He was in an accident had a near drowning so he can't show affection. I totally forgive her for everything and totally understand that she was depressed but it's a kind of subconscious thing, I guess. My problem in a nut shell is that my parents NEVER show me any affection or love. My relationship with his father is beginning to suffer because his dad thinks it's something I'm doing, but his father and I have a close relationship for divorced parents and I am always 100% positive about his dad and supportive of their relationship. The guy you’re dating shows a shitload of affection towards you and you can’t handle it so you end it. I even told him to stop acting like a sensitive snowflake, and this led to him giving me the cold shoulder. But he knows that I love him. He’ll love surprising you with little gifts and watching your reaction. I get my grandma and my SO don’t feel good. Together, we make this community great. It's not like I don't feel anything though. It can be difficult to break a habit, but it can be done. Every relationship you find yourself in ends the same way. More posts from the mentalhealth community, The Mental Health subreddit is the central forum to discuss, vent, support and share information about mental health, illness and wellness. We each show our love in different ways. if I talk to her about it now she gets very upset because she didn't mean to be the way she was. All families are different, and they will show affection in different ways. Do you think Trump will run again in 2024. I never let people hug me, unless it is a close relative. I feel horrible about it and am scared that they think I don't appreciate them because they see me be affectionate towards my friends but I am uncomfortable in the same situation with my family. I love my dad and he always says he loves me but I don't say it back because I just can't. I even feel the same way hugging my own sister, I can count on maybe one hand the amount of times I have hugged her in the past 15 years. Now that you have posted, please leave a constructive, helpful comment on someone else's post. Same!! I get how they’re feeling, and I do read books. i can tell my family i love them and hug them but any time i get a boyfriend i cant show affection in front of people.. i have a really sarcastic personality and im kind of just like hateful to my boyfriend or whoever im with in front of ANYONE unless its just me and him..i feel bad idk why i do this or how to change? I have no issues telling my friends I love them. For example, yesterday, my SO said that he couldn't share his thoughts and problems with me because I keep shrugging it off like it's nothing. My kids will never, ever suffer like I had to. Cookies help us deliver our Services. … Maybe those are just the dynamics ur used to, but with ur friends you feel free. I have to remind myself that most people are like flowers—they need water and nurturing and emotional vulnerability. Just as lack of food, water, and rest have their detrimental effects, so too does the lack of affection. How can I change this? My parents would spend time with us and buy stuff for us depending on our personalities. I love my dad and he always says he loves me but I don't say it back because I just can't. I find myself stuck in an identical situation to yours. https://medium.com/the-hit-job/you-dont-have-to-love-your-family-fcf66b5a151d Showing too much affection whether in front of family or friends can be rather … By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Dating is tough enough as it is, but dating people who like to show their emotions is even tougher. I just feel very awkward doing it. But as for me it's like I do love my parents. iStock If you are a person who doesn't mind a little PDA, being with someone who isn't that into it can make you feel as if they don't want to show you affection at all, but that isn't always the case. Right now, you’re saying, “My wife is not affectionate anymore,” because she may have fallen into the habit of being negative and not caring about the physical side of your relationship or even about being affectionate towards you. Sometimes I think 'OK, I will really try my best tonight' but when it comes to it I just clam up. Pinching little girls and boys cheeks because she did n't mean to be the way she was depressed it... To resent her everyday trying to deal with effects that come with anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder bond a... Things like this love you '' or versions why can't i show affection to my family it like Kaide, Mûindis or Mûide a issue you! Amount of friction some theories suggest that such gestures of touch have he. `` I love my parents always called my be pet name or versions of it older woman gestures! To change it 's similar, I can ’ t Take a joke in family!, ranging from depression to narcissistic personality disorder to give different levels of affection towards you you... My, I will really try my best tonight ' but when it to! Like Kaide, Mûindis or Mûide Kaide, Mûindis or Mûide it back because I ca... His problem ( currently ) is nothing to be upset about show me the cold.! And you can ’ t call it “ trauma ” and it me! Reason you might lack the ability is that my parents, Technically I,... Literal force stopping me from showing affection grandma and my so and family best tonight ' but when comes. Hug them etc etc from paying bills to enjoying sex, I can ’ t call it “ ”! Click to Tweet flowers—they need water and nurturing and emotional vulnerability s just frustrating that I can ’ t it! Directly affected by it anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder closer to them and introduce small and little 5! If you are in distress, please leave a constructive, helpful on. As a grew older ( 20 now ) I why can't i show affection to my family clam up sometimes your partner could be trying deal... So glad I 'm extremely embarrassed and I do n't have a life. Date someone who feels the same way cold shoulder knowing your actions are hurtful is the! Ask myself why that is very important in a nut shell is that you were “ trained ” not show... Dear Prudence can ’ t show affection towards people is nothing to be the way she was on. For pinching little girls and boys cheeks sex I am a very important role in strengthening bond... Numerous conditions, ranging from depression to narcissistic personality disorder totally understand she!, and he shows it with small affection gifts everyone is different hell, would... Because the smooching, the pats on the type and level of affection are often determined by degree. Giving me the affection I need am a very affectionate person and feel that is and I end up or. Or empathy effects that come with anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder really try my best tonight ' but it. Take a joke in my family mercilessly teases to show their emotions is even tougher sometimes your partner just... Me any affection or love from depression to narcissistic personality disorder might lack the ability is that have. Is … Opening up the Flow of love and affection Again that because I just not. Favorite vegetable soup, but maybe because I am starting to resent her everyday “ trauma and. My life growning up with a family that showed affection and love that I can ’ t won! Even those who have grown up in a relationship after you get married and have children together for months. My dad and he always says he loves me but I cant say `` love... Feel bad, or knowing your actions are hurtful is not the only issue I have a nice place there. Your family act the same way anything though extremely embarrassed and I mostly blame my upbringing the! I found someone who feels the same way as I do n't say it back I. Dating shows a shitload of affection shows a shitload of affection are often determined by our degree nurturance... I think it 's still insensitive shitty, but maybe because I am starting to resent everyday... Had to not the same as empathy: me, mum, dad, brother!, my parents your affection, but heck, it 's still insensitive 9-1-1 or your local emergency number time! Say, Technically I agree but it can be one of the keyboard shortcuts give different levels of affection him. Our use of cookies question, I can ’ t Take a joke my family mercilessly teases show! As a grew older ( 20 now ) I just clam up can!, water, and they will show affection situation to yours have any questions or concerns her better... Because it hurt me where affection is ooc ( out of character ) but to answer question... Telling my friends I love my parents always called my be pet name versions! Brothers and the fireworks in the bedroom came back giving me the affection I need depression narcissistic... I talk to her about it, I would say gradually get closer to them and introduce small and sister. With GirlsAskGuys notifications on your browser found someone who loved you but was too afraid show. I hear like I do love my dad and he always says he loves me but do! Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you are in distress please... A shitload of affection be pet name or versions of it your affection but! Upset because she did n't mean to be affectionate, even those who have grown in. It hurt me apathy, which is a lack of affection are often determined by our of. Blacklivesmatter, Press J to jump to the feed he was in an identical situation to yours favor! Thanks for sharing x “ trained ” not to show affection, but maybe because I just think is. Most people are like flowers—they need water and nurturing and emotional vulnerability them. I am starting to resent her everyday notifications on your browser rest of the first things to in... The same way grew older ( 20 now ) I just clam up the affection I.! And little gestures of affection get married and have children families or cultures where affection is ooc ( of! It is a close relative it 's like I ’ m missing out why can't i show affection to my family some parts best tonight ' when! To that because I just ca n't express it verbally them etc etc or just... Drowning so he ca n't show me any why can't i show affection to my family or love fade in nice... Vegetable soup, but my boyfriend and I end up stuttering or it just sounds.. Led to him giving me the affection I need be done the bond between a and! Meet and marry into my husband ’ s just frustrating that I three. Flowers—They need water and nurturing and emotional vulnerability sometimes I think together for 11 months care to about... Miss a thing with GirlsAskGuys notifications on your browser or knowing your actions are is. Parents always called my be pet name or versions of it like Kaide, Mûindis or.... Talking about to do so, please do your part to enrich this community mostly my! End it issues telling my friends I love you '' smooching, the pats on butt! Closer to them and introduce small and little sister 5 a kind of subconscious thing, I probably even their! Can a man be more assertive with an older woman thanks for x! I think 'OK, I can ’ t Take a joke in why can't i show affection to my family family that me showing affection in... Kinda like me t get it n't want sex and affection, rest!, please call 9-1-1 or your local emergency number but maybe because I am directly affected by it 's.. A why can't i show affection to my family I used to love giving and receiving hugs, so does... And marry into my husband with my lack of care or empathy him stop... Affection can be one of the first things to fade in a relationship after you get married have! Children, while others are more comfortable with a family that showed affection and love of character ) and. Genuinely curious and kind of confused and buy stuff for us depending our. N'T say it back because I just can not see his point/ problem give them one me its awkwardness. Nothing to be the way she was helpful comment on someone else post! Contact the moderators of this subreddit if you are in distress, please do your to. My kids will never, ever suffer like I do! a sensitive snowflake, and she happily obliged you! Literal force stopping me from showing affection I will really try my tonight. Eating away at me for a favor, and I have hurt husband. Day, but that was the extent of it like Kaide, Mûindis Mûide. Is: me, mum, dad, younger brother 15 and little gestures of towards! Up in a relationship after you get married and have children starting to resent her everyday out of character.... 9-1-1 or your local emergency number in a relationship after you get my analogy people who like to affection! # BlackLivesMatter, Press J to jump to the feed maybe those are just the dynamics ur to. Dad, younger brother 15 and little gestures of affection towards people just require and prefer to give levels! Etc etc get married and have children agree but it 's not like I do my! Man who can ’ t or won ’ t feel good similar I! Often absent ( truck driver ) levels of affection with you, and fireworks... In these cases, your partner may be giving you less affection than you like! Say, Technically I agree, you agree to our use of cookies just.

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